Truths of the Heart
by Batdz Angel
Summary: Sometimes, you don’t know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy. AU Season Five ending/Season Six
1. Iris

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part One:** Iris

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to the Goo Goo Dolls. I do however own the siren in this entire work.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** It's been a while since I've written anything. Hope I'm not too rusty...

* * *

After Glory was killed and everyone was safely at the Summers home, Buffy suggested they go out to celebrate. The Bronze a week later was decided and when Willow saw an advertisement for a new singer, they were all even more excited to go, intent on enjoying some good music and life in general.

For his part, Spike hadn't been expecting an invitation but Buffy had come with him to his crypt so he offered to walk her to the teen hangout. She had smiled and agreed, grabbing his arm and dragging him out his door, chattering excitedly.

As soon as the vampire and Slayer entered the club, Dawn's voice called to them from where she sat with the others. The youngest Summers wore a pair of dark blue jeans and a sparkly blue long-sleeved top. Her light brown hair was pulled up into a fancy ponytail and she had a wide smile on her face at the sight of her sister and her favorite vampire.

"Spike!" Dawn squealed happily as she hugged him. "Are you healing okay? Do you want anything?"

"Settle down Nibblet," he said affectionately as he sat down in an empty chair. Dressed in a pair of black jeans and a dark blue shirt that made his eyes look darker than they were, the vampire made quite the handsome picture. Buffy, herself, was stunning in a pair of leather pants and a green halter top that brought out her eyes.

Willow and Tara had dressed in simple dresses; Tara in blue and Willow in green. The two Wiccans giggled softly together, Willow touching Tara's hand every few seconds, as if to reassure herself she was still there, completely whole.

As for Xander and Anya, the couple were wrapped around each other on the dance floor. Anya was smiling up at Xander, her eyes sparkling with laughter as the young man kissed her forehead with affection.

Suddenly, the music stopped causing groans to sound through the crowd. A spotlight lit up the stage and a young woman sat there, wearing a purple dress with a v-neck. She held a guitar in her hand and smiled at the crowd, saying into the microphone, "Sorry about that! Guess the Bronze crew forgot to mention that I was singing tonight?"

Quiet laughter sounded and the girl grinned wider, sitting down on a round bench that was brought onstage. She held up a slender hand and said, "My name's Gwen and I'm singing a few covers for you tonight. An easy way to get you all adjusted to my shrieking."

More laughter.

Gwen grinned and said, "Anyways, let's start with a personal favorite of mine. Who's a fan of the Goo Goo Dolls?"

Cheers erupted and Gwen laughed as she sat down, saying, "Well, then, I better do them justice, yeah? Come on, you lovers. Grab your honey or sweetie and dance."

She began to play with nimble fingers, the spotlight shining down on her dark hair. Her lips parted and a sweet voice began to sing...

"_And I'd give up forever to touch you_

'_Cause I know that you feel me somehow_

_You're the closest to heaven that I've ever been_

_And I don't want to go home right now..."_

Spike glanced over at Buffy, who was watching the others dance with a smile on her face. He sighed inwardly and looked back at the stage, rubbing his hands on his thighs as he leaned back in his seat. He didn't notice Buffy's eyes watching him or the hesitancy in her face as she reached out to touch his arm...

"_And all I can taste is this moment_

_And all I can breathe is your life_

_And sooner or later it's over_

_I just don't want to miss you tonight..."_

As the music suddenly roared to life, Buffy snapped her hand back, swallowing as she watched Spike's face. The darkness of the club didn't hide the beauty of his face and she pressed her lips together in a line as she told herself sternly that she could _not_ ask the vampire to dance.

Even if she wanted too...

"_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am..."_

Spike watched as the witches swayed together, cheek-to-cheek. They had blissful expressions on their faces and he smiled to himself as they glided along the floor. He'd seen the panic and pain in Willow's eyes while Tara was gone, and he understood it. He'd remembered the helplessness he'd felt at times with Drusilla and how he'd wished he could fix her...

Sighing, he picked up his drink and took a sip, allowing the hard liquor to scorch his throat. He looked over at Buffy and said, "The witches looks happy."

She blinked and met his gaze, before nodding. "Yeah," she said wistfully. "They do."

"_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming_

_All the moment of truth in your lies_

_When everything feels like the movies_

_Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive..."_

As Gwen played, her fingers plucking at the strings with ease, Spike opted to try at his chances. He reached out, paused, and then said quietly, "Wanna dance Slayer?"

She blinked at him again, her hazel eyes wide with something he couldn't identify. Swallowing, Buffy said, "I...I don't know Spike."

"It's one dance Buffy," Spike said quietly. "That's all I'm asking. Not a bloody kiss, not a shag, not even a lifetime commitment. Just a simple dance."

"But it's not simple," she said feeling her emotions well up. "It won't ever be simple."

He studied her and then nodded, his blue eyes filled with regret and sadness. "I'll see you around Slayer," he said pushing his chair back. "Tell the Bit good night for me, eh?"

"Spike," Buffy tried to explain but he held up a hand. Shaking his head, he said, "Don't Buffy. Don't give me explanations or reasons or excuses." He smiled at her warmly. "I get it now Love. Really."

"_And I don't want the world to see me_

'_Cause I don't think that they'd understand_

_When everything's made to be broken_

_I just want you to know who I am..."_

Spike reached into his pocket and pulled out a few rumpled bills. "Tell the others I say good night, eh?" he said as he tossed them onto the table. "Goodbye Slayer."

He left the table, weaving his way through the crowd. Buffy sat at the table, her eyes fixated on the cash Spike had left behind. She swallowed, rubbing her hands across her thighs and then her eyes widened as she looked at where Spike had stood seconds before.

"Goodbye?" she whispered realizing that Spike hadn't said his traditional "See you around"...

He had said goodbye.

"_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am_

_I just want you to know who I am..."_

As Gwen's voice faded, Buffy felt tears spill down her cheeks. She buried her face into her hands as she felt a sob well up in her throat. Swallowing, she whispered, "He said goodbye."

As she heard her friends come back to the table, Buffy surreptitiously wiped her eyes and tried not to let any of them know.

Spike was gone.

End Part One of Heart Series


	2. All the Way

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Two:** All the Way

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to the beautiful Frank Sinatra.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Second chapter, hope you guys are enjoying the series so far.

* * *

Buffy opened the crypt cautiously, peering into the darkness. Swallowing her nervousness, she called, "Spike! Are you here?" 

Silence greeted her.

Chewing on her lip, the Slayer entered the crypt completely, leaving the door open behind her. She slipped over to the trapdoor that led to the lower level and opened it. Peering into the darkness, she fished into her coat pocket and pulled out the flashlight she had grabbed on her way out the door.

She hadn't seen Spike in a week and Dawn had requested her to check up on him, worried that his injuries might have bothered him more than he let on. So, Buffy had agreed to check his crypt and had made her way there after breakfast.

Lighting her way down, the Slayer jumped down nimbly and shone the light around.

The crypt was empty.

Her knees trembled as she realized that she hadn't been mistaken that night a week ago.

Spike had left.

Tears blurred her eyes and she wiped them away roughly as she shone her light around the dark room. Her eyes caught a flash of white and she moved forward, picking up wto slender white envelopes. Her name was scrawled on one and her sister's on the other. Stuffing them into her pocket, she scrambled up the ladder, and ran all the way home.

She entered her house quietly and left Dawn's letter in her sister's bedroom. Entering her own, she closed the door behind her and turned on her radio, sitting down on the bed. Turning the envelope over, she studied it for a moment and then slid her nail underneath the flap, breaking the glue easily. Unfolding creamy white stationary, she began to read.

_Dearest Buffy,_

_As you may have guessed that night, I've decided to leave Sunnydale. It's getting to hard for me pet, living in a place I don't really belong. I can't be a man and I can't be a demon so I've opted to go and see the world on my own._

_I doubt you'll miss me; in fact, I don't think any one of you will, except Dawn. I love her like she was my own sister Buffy, so please let her know she didn't do anything wrong. I didn't leave because of her or because of you. I left because it's gotten far too hard to stay on the outskirts of your little group..._

Unnoticed, an old song began to play on the radio as tears filled Buffy's eyes.

"When somebody loves you

It's no good unless he loves you

All the way..."

_I meant what I said that night. Before we faced Glory. You treat me like a man and that's more precious than any declaration of love. I love you Buffy, I truly do and it's not just an obsession. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I love the best and worst of you._

_Do you know what it is that I love most about you? Your smile. It's like the sun Buffy, did you know that? And I'm sorry that I never got to see it directed at me but it's not like I gave you reason enough to smile is it?_

_The last night I saw you, I wanted to make you smile. I wished I knew how but I didn't. I asked you to dance and you shot me down again. And I finally understood._

_You don't love me._

"Happy to be near you

When you need someone to cheer you

All the way..."

_I could blame anyone for you not loving me but I won't. A Slayer can't lower herself to loving a vampire. But I really thought we could work, pet. I would've done anything to make you happy..._

_I would've died for you that night we faced Glory. I was ready for it, you know? I've lived for so long and it just becomes a chore to wake up at times. I suppose it's my age catching up with me but I think it's more loneliness. I've spent all of my time as a vampire looking after someone and now..._

_I don't have Dru to look after anymore. Harmony isn't even an issue and you..._

_You're my sun, pet._

"Taller than the tallest tree is

That's how it's got to feel

Deeper than the deep blue sea is

That's how deep it goes, if it's real..."

_You're my bloody sun. Shining, bright, and effulgent. I will love you until I'm dust pet._

_That's a promise I'll keep._

_I promised to protect the Bit and I haven't forgotten it. I'll keep in touch, write letters. Maybe even learn to use a computer and write an e-mail. Tell Red to keep an eye out, just in case. Tell Glinda I'll miss her too, she was always kind to me. Think she had a soft spot for the Big Bad..._

"When somebody needs you

It's no good unless he needs you

all the way..."

_I need you Buffy. I need you to just exist. Don't give up pet. You're a hell of a Slayer and I should know, yeah? I could never have killed you pet; you were my match in everything. I fell in love with you from the moment I saw you, I suppose..._

_I remember that night so clearly. You were dancing, all grace and power, and I knew you were different from the others. I knew you were more than the Slayer and when I realized you had connections, I knew my time was up. You were going to kill me..._

_And you did. Not with a stake but just by being yourself. Being Buffy._

"Through the good or lean years

And for all the in between years

Come what may..."

_We've danced since that first night pet. You know it, deep down, and I knew it when I saw you stake that vampire. I knew that this would be the dance to finish me. I knew it and I wanted it..._

_It was a hell of a dance love. And even if I had known what would happen, what would occur, I wouldn't hesitate to do it all over again. I'd do it just to see your face, to hear your voice..._

"Who knows where

The road will lead us

Only a fool would say..."

_I loved every step we took, every parry, every turn. I loved every moment I had with you pet and I won't forget it, not even when the world's done for._

_I love you Buffy Anne Summers._

_And it's real._

"But if you let me love you

It's for sure I'm gonna love you

All the way..."

_That's all I wanted to say._

_Always Yours,_

_Spike_

The letter slipped from her grasp and Buffy stared numbly at the paper as it floated to the floor. She rubbed a hand across her eyes and bit back a sob as her bedroom door flew open, admitting her sister.

"What did you do?" Dawn shrieked, her blue eyes red-rimmed and her cheeks red. "Why did he leave? Buffy?"

"Dawnie..." Buffy didn't have a reply. What could she say?

"I hate you," Dawn cried fresh tears spilling down her face. "You couldn't even give him a chance, could you? You and the others just didn't want to face the fact that you were all wrong about Spike and now he's _gone_!"

"Dawn," Buffy tried to calm her sister down but Dawn stepped back from her.

"Just because he isn't _human_," she spat her eyes flaring with pain and anguish. "Doesn't mean he wasn't good. Angel's a vampire and the only reason he's good is because of his _soul_. And you hate that Spike can love you without one and Angel can't." Her lips trembled as she spat, "And I think it's stupid and it's unfair."

Spinning, she left the room, yelling, "And I hope you're happy. You made him leave."

Numb, Buffy sank down onto her mattress and cried.

End Part Two.


	3. I Miss You

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Three: **I Miss You

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Blink-182. I do however own the siren in this entire work.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Third chapter, thanks for the reviews!

* * *

He sat hunched over his drink, his blue eyes tracing the wood intently. In front of him, sat a shot of whiskey but he ignored it as he perused the bar in front of him. The bartender left him alone, a basic instinct telling him to leave the bleached Englishman alone. Picking up his drink, he tossed it back, letting the liquor burn down his throat.

Sighing, he got to his feet and left the hotel bar, ignoring the flirtatious glances two women were feeding him. Shoving his finger into the elevator button, he stepped inside and rode up to his third floor room.

It had been a month since he had left Sunnydale, intent on never returning. He had sold the Desoto for cash, buying himself a motorcycle and stayed in L.A. until he could figure out what he wanted to do. Avoiding Angel and his crew was simpler than Spike thought it would've been and he was content with that.

Rubbing a hand across his eyes tiredly, he entered his room and fell face first on the bed, trying to forget the two girls he had left behind.

He slept.

When he awoke, it was late afternoon, sun was setting and he yawned, stretching his body like a large cat. Taking a shower, he dressed in clean clothing and decided to do a sweep of the surrounding area. Always a few demons around the City of Angels to beat up...

He left the hotel and walked, letting his mind wander. When he stopped in front of a bar named _Caritas_, he entered and blinked at the amount of demons. Bemused, he stared at the human-looking girl sitting on the stage and wondered why she looked so familiar...

'Oh balls,' he realized. 'S'that bint from the night I left.'

She was starting up a song, her fingers playing a dark melody on her guitar. Spike stood frozen, his blue eyes watching as she opened her mouth and sang.

"Hello there

The angel from my nightmare

The shadow in the background of the morgue..."

He sat down mechanically, next to a green-skinned demon wearing a bright yellow suit that clashed with his blood-red eyes. Spike watched as the siren played fluidly, her head bent over the guitar, eyes tightly shut.

He closed his eyes and let himself be carried away.

"The unsuspecting victim

Of darkness in the valley

We could live like Jack

And Sally if we want..."

Lorne blinked at the gorgeous vampire beside him. He was all angles, sharp cheekbones, full mouth, and piercing blue eyes. His hair was a shock of blonde that complimented his dark brows, a scar bisecting his left eyebrow. He wore all black, down to the tips of his Doc Martens.

And he was screaming despair and pain so loudly Lorne's head was starting to hurt.

"Where you can always find me

We'll have Halloween on Christmas

And in the night, we'll wish this never ends

We'll wish this never ends..."

Lorne sipped his SeaBreeze and decided to talk to the vampire. Tapping him on the shoulder, he smiled politely and said, "Follow me, Gorgeous. We need to talk."

Confused, Spike stared at the green demon for a moment but obliged.

Sitting him down in a room off to the side, Lorne allowed the door to half close and sat down, smiling at the vampire. "What's your name, Handsome?"

"What's it to you?" Spike asked warily and Lorne laughed, saying, "This is my place. I read people's auras and tell them their future. And your aura was just screaming at me to help."

"S'that right?" Spike drawled, leaning back uncomfortably.

"Yes," Lorne smiled. "Now, sing me a song and I'll let you know what you should do."

"I gotta go up front?"

"You can sing when everyone's gone if you want," Lorne shrugged. "But I have to tell you, Caritas is a no fighting, no judgement zone."

The music from outside filtered in as Spike thought.

"Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside

My head! I miss you, miss you

Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside

my head! Miss you, miss you..."

"All right," he said finally. "I'll sing but just a few notes. Got it?"

"Go right ahead," Lorne leaned back and Spike grimaced before asking, "Can't I sing along with what the chit's singing?"

"Sure," Lorne said with an amused smile. "She's just here for entertainment value anyway. Sirens can be serious divas, you know."

Spike grunted and took a deep breath as he sang along with the siren on stage.

"Where are you and

I'm so sorry, I cannot

sleep, I cannot dream tonight..."

The Cockney's voice was smooth and silky, Lorne smiling to himself appreciatively as he thought absently, 'Least Angelcakes didn't pass on that trait to his Childe.' He leaned back as he read what Spike was telling him through song.

Spike kept his gaze focused on the wall above Lorne's head, his eyes unfocused.

"I need somebody

And always, this sick

strange darkness comes

creeping on so haunting..."

His gorgeous Slayer and pretty Bit; they were all alone now. He'd done the right thing, he knew that but the thought of either of them hurt because he wasn't there pained him...

He continued to sing.

"Every time and I stared,

I counted webs from all the spiders

Catching things and eating their insides..."

Lorne whistled to himself as he read what Spike needed to do. 'Looks like Angelcakes won't be the only vampire with a soul anymore,' he thought as he studied the Cockney vampire.

Spike shut his eyes and tried to forget how beautiful Buffy had looked the last time he'd seen her. He hoped she'd found the letters and understood...

"Like indecision to call you

And hear your voice of treason

Will you come home and stop

this pain tonight? Stop this pain tonight?"

He hadn't called or written anything to them yet. He wanted to wait a while before contacting them, wanted to be in New York. He sighed as he kept singing and Lorne seemed to relax slightly as he nodded to him.

Spike sang the last few lines gruffly, letting his Big Bad persona come through.

"Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside

My head! I miss you, miss you

Don't waste your time on me

You're already the voice inside

my head! Miss you, miss you..."

The music stopped and cheers erupted from outside the door. Spike stopped and looked at Lorne, who smiled.

"William," he said as he reached for a napkin. "Here's some directions. You need to go to this address and then to New York. Get a flight to Africa, preferably in the next two weeks. Believe me, it'll be worth it."

"That's all," Spike said bemused as he shoved the napkin into his pocket. "I sing a tune and you don't even tell me what you saw?"

"Oh, believe me Sweetie," Lorne smiled mysteriously. "You won't need me to tell you. You'll figure it out."

End Part Three.


	4. Everytime

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Four:** Everytime

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Britney Spears.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Fourth chapter. Review please!

* * *

Buffy sat on the back porch, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate. She stared out across her yard, hazel eyes watching the shadows dance along as the sun began to set. She could hear the Scoobies inside, Dawn talking animatedly with Willow about school and she swallowed at how happy her sister sounded. A distinct change since she hadn't been able to look at Buffy without anger since Spike had left. 

She winced as she remembered how she'd scoured the demon bars for information on his whereabouts. So many things she hadn't known; the ostracization Spike had dealt with from his demon brethren, the utter cruelty they had dished out because he helped her.

She had beaten and killed demon after demon that said something wrong about Spike. She had been distraught at the realization that not only had Spike been pushed aside by her and her own but also by the rest of the world because he couldn't be human or a demon.

_Calling out your name_

_Your face is everywhere_

_I'm reaching out to you_

_to find that you're not there..._

God, she was really a bitch.

She rubbed a hand across her eye as she set her cup down, closing her eyes tightly. The Scoobies had mixed reactions two months ago when she had told them Spike had left. Willow and Tara had been sad and Anya indifferent. Giles had been disappointed but hid it well while Xander...

Xander had gloated. He'd been so arrogant in his belief that Buffy had finally seen what Spike had said for years.

_I wake up every night_

_To see the state I'm in_

_It's just an endless fight_

_I never seem to win..._

Xander was so narrow-minded and she hadn't noticed it until Dawn had burst into tears in the middle of his tirade about how Spike leaving was a good thing because he was an evil, soulless monster, blah, blah, blah. Dawn had run up to her room in tears while Xander sat flabbergasted at her reaction.

Buffy hadn't bothered to tell them about the letters. Spike sent one to Dawn each week and one to her every other week. She knew it was because he thought she didn't read them but she had read every single one. She had taken note that the last postmark was in London and wondered where Spike was going.

_I can't go on as long as I believe_

_Can't let go when I keep wondering..._

She wondered if he took the chip out; it wouldn't surprise her if he had. She'd asked Tara and the witch had smiled at her concern.

"I doubt Spike would hurt us without it," she said with confidence. "He loves you and Dawn too much Buffy."

"But he's a vampire Tara," Buffy argued. "He can't possibly comprehend between what's right and what's wrong."

"Oh, honey," Tara reached over and squeezed her hand. "I think Spike is more than just a vampire. I mean, some demons may be inherently evil but that doesn't mean all demons are evil. There's quite a few who are very good and peaceful."

"Vampires aren't one of them," Buffy insisted as she pulled away from Tara. "They don't change, they're just demons in a human corpse..."

"Honey," Tara pulled her down gently. "What's this really about?"

_Where are you now?_

_What have you found?_

_Where is your heart when I'm not around?_

Buffy didn't look at her, staring down at the floor. She exhaled loudly and said softly, "You weren't around for my relationship with Angel but...it was intense. I mean, every girl dreams of her knight in shining armor you know and that's what Angel was. My knight. My protector..."

Tara noddedsilently as Buffy continued, saying, "He always made me feel safe with him. I didn't have to be the Slayer with him, I could just be Buffy. And I wanted that, I needed that. I didn't want to be a girl that always had to fight the monsters..."

Her voice turned bitter. "And then Angelus happened. And my knight was gone. I didn't have anyone to protect me anymore and I had to be the Slayer all the time." She wiped at her tears and said, "Angelus hated me and I hate that. Spike loved me. His demon loves me and why is it that the man I would've died for couldn't love me as much as him? Why couldn't Angelus love me like Angel had and like Spike does?"

Tara had no reply as she gathered Buffy into her arms and let her cry.

_Where are you now?_

_You gotta let me know_

_Oh baby so I can let you go..._

Buffy entered her house with exhaustion, her body weary. Patrol had been extremely tiring, in addition to the regular vampires, she'd had to slay a demon with horns and skin like concrete. It had taken her two hours to kill the damn thing and she was tired and cranky. She hung her coat up, making a face at the bits of cement on it, and turned towards the living room. Blinking she said, "Hey Xander. Dawn asleep?"

"Yeah," Xander said as he stared at her strangely. "Tough patrol?"

"Yeah," she replied with a yawn. "I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Before you go to bed," Xander said, his tone oddly bland. "Answer me a question."

_I can hear your voice_

_The ring of yesterday_

_It seems so close to me_

_And yet so far away..._

"Sure," Buffy said as she sat down in a nearby chair with a wince. "What's up?"

"Why do you and Dawn have letters from Spike?" Xander asked, his voice frosty.

Buffy blinked. She stared at Xander, her eyes narrowing as she said lowly, "What?"

"Why are you and Dawn getting letters from Spike?" Xander repeated, his voice rising. "What's the deal Buffy? What's the blood sucker writing you for when you told him to get packing?"

"First of all," Buffy snapped her exhaustion vanishing as she rose to her feet. "What gives you the right to go through my mail? Second, what gave you any idea that I told Spike to leave? Third, who the hell do you think you are Xander?"

_I should let it out_

_Save what's left of me_

_And close the doors of time,_

_Revive my dignity..._

"I think I'm your friend Buffy!" he retorted loudly. "And I deserve an explanation!"

"I don't have to explain a damn thing to you," Buffy hissed as she spun around and to the door. Throwing it open, she said, "Get out."

"Not until you explain to me what a vampire is doing writing you letters," he snapped and Buffy said sharply, "Because maybe I wanted him too!"

He stared at her in disbelief. "Who are you?" Xander demanded. "You're not the Buffy I remember! She would've been ecstatic to have a fiend like Spike out of her life!"

"Then you don't know me do you?" Buffy said icily. "Because I can tell you right now Xander, I don't want you in my house. Spike is Dawn's best friend and he is also the only being on this planet who doesn't expect me to jump through hoops."

_But I can't go on as long as I believe_

_Can't let go when I keep wondering..._

"What the hell does that mean?" Xander said.

"It means that you, Willow, and Giles have done it," Buffy said. "You've made it so that I am so terrified of disappointing all of you, that I don't even bother making decisions without checking if it's okay. When Angel and I were together, you made it clear that you hated him. When Riley and I dated, you were so happy. Because he was human, right?"

She shook her head, angry tears filling her eyes. "You hate demons but you're going to marry a woman who was one for a thousand years," Buffy said. "You dated girls who always wound up being demons. Who the hell are you to lecture me on living my life and being friends with people I want to be friends with?"

"I think you're crazy," Xander said as he walked out the door, angrily. "If you believe that Spike isn't out there, without his chip, murdering innocent people."

"I know he isn't," Buffy snapped at his retreating back. "Because he wouldn't lie to me if he was. And you know how I know Xander? Because he's never _lied_ to me like you."

Xander stopped at the end of stairs. Turning, he said lowly, "What?"

_Where are you now?_

_What have you found?_

_Where is your heart when I'm not around?_

"What was it you said," Buffy said coldly. "The night I killed Angel? Willow told me to what? Kick his ass, right?"

Shock and shame flittered over Xander's face as she stood in her front door. "She said that, right _Xan_?" Buffy hissed. "Or did I hear you wrong?"

He said nothing, his face pale and she snorted in disgust before slamming the door shut. Turning, she came face to face with Tara, Dawn, and Willow; each with varying expressions of shock, surprise, and disbelief. Buffy stared at them all for a moment before crumbling. With a sob, she fell to the floor as her sister caught her, saying, "Oh Buffy. It'll be okay..."

_Tell me, where are you now?_

_You gotta let me know_

_Oh baby so I can let you go..._

Dawn peered in on her sister, worry crossing her features as she watched Buffy toss and turn in her sleep. Sighing, she closed the door to her room and went downstairs, frowning as she saw Xander and Anya sitting at the dining room table.

Willow had called Giles after Buffy was in bed and asleep, hysterical over the argument between her and Xander. Despite Dawn's protest, a meeting had been called for the following morning and Dawn angrily sat down as she glared at Xander then Willow, who lowered her eyes.

"So, you say Buffy was hysterical?" Giles said as he wiped his glasses. "Are you sure Xander?"

"Well, I know the real Buffy wouldn't defend Spike," Xander said sullenly. "And she wouldn't call him a friend either."

"You know what," Dawn said irritably. "Why can't you just accept the fact that she's getting letters from Spike and so am I? What is your problem Xander? Because Buffy is friends with you, she can't be friends with anyone else?"

"Dawnie," Willow began softly. "She's the Slayer. Vampires aren't supposed to be her friends."

"And I'm a Key," Dawn shot back. "And considering I'm thousands of years old and stuff, I shouldn't be friends with humans, witches, and a Slayer, should I? Who the hell are you to judge Willow?"

The redhead deflated, saying, "I didn't mean to..."

_I should let out time to let you go_

_Oh baby, I just wanna know..._

"Oh, honestly," Anya said irritably. "Why don't you just admit it? You guys don't want Spike and Buffy being friends because then, she won't need you all so much."

"Anya," Xander began to scold her but the ex-demon shook her head.

"No, Xander," she said sharply. "I'm not shutting up or being quiet. I'm going to say this: you guys are all used to being Buffy's sidekicks, backup, whatever. Now, she's got a supernatural being that's just as strong as her and just as fast, and who probably knows more about demons than any of you. That's intimidating and you guys don't like it."

"That's not true," Willow began but Anya was on a roll.

"And I think it's stupid and petty and immature of the lot of you," she said. "Because Buffy may not be able to use any of you to fight but isn't it a good thing she had someone around to help her out? To keep her alive?"

_Where are you now?_

_What have you found?_

_Where is your heart when I'm not around?_

Giles, Willow, and Xander all looked uncomfortable. Dawn let out a sound of disgust and got to her feet. "I want you guys to leave," she announced. "Willow, I'm sorry but I saw you looking in your books this morning. You marked a page for a memory spell and I know what it does. I read it."

Willow paled as Tara, who had been quiet the whole meeting, looked at her with disbelief. "Willow?" she said stunned, her hand coming up to finger the small bunch of violets she had pinned to her sweater.

"It was just a little spell," Willow said helplessly. "Just to make Buffy forget her fight with Xander and..."

"I don't believe this," Buffy's voice came from the doorway. "So, what Will? Gonna erase everything Spike did to help too? Gonna make me forget he exists?"

"Buffy," Willow turned to face her friend and swallowed. "I swear, it wasn't-"

_Where are you now_

_You gotta let me know_

_Oh baby so I can let you go..._

"You were trying to help right?" the Slayer said from where she stood in the doorway. Dressed in jeans and a black sweater, hair tied back into a severe ponytail, the Slayer stared at them all. "I cannot believe any of you," she growled. "I told Xander to leave my house and unless he has an apology ready, I want him out. Now. And I want you gone too Will. I'm sorry but I don't feel right letting you live here if you're going to be using spells at random."

"Buffy," Giles said as he got to his feet. "Really, that's not necessary. I agree that Willow should never have thought to even use magic on you-"

"Giles, I'm sorry," she said then stopped. "Actually, no I'm not. I'm done, got it? It's over with. All of you, except for Tara and Anya are no longer welcome to my and Dawn's home. I just defeated a Hell God and I don't need the three of you questioning my judgement on Spike."

With that, she turned and walked up to her room. Slamming the door behind her, she sank onto the mattress, pulling out the letter Xander had found the day before. Thankfully, it hadn't been opened and Buffy breathed a sigh of relief as she slid her nail beneath the flap. She read for a few minutes and then a bright smile broke out on her face.

At the bottom of the page, in bold, clear letters, Spike had written fours words. Four words that gave Buffy hope.

_I'm coming home soon._

She hugged the letter to her chest and whispered, "Soon. He's coming home..." as fresh tears of joy spilled down her cheeks.

End Part Four


	5. Everything

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Five:** Everything

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Lifehouse.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Fifth chapter. Review please!

* * *

It burned.

He didn't know how long he'd lain in the cave, how long he'd stayed there, trying to block out the sounds of the screams and whispers. He crawled on his belly towards the small tribe and remembered only the sounds of voices in a language he didn't know calling to him...

He awoke, half mad and half sane, managing to make it back to London. He stayed in his hotel room, craving blood but knowing he couldn't drink any because he couldn't, no matter what, hurt the girl. He sat for weeks, staring at the walls, and willed the voices to go away.

He wrote letters, knowing his Bit would worry and knowing his Sun would wonder. He wrote but didn't send them, too afraid that they wouldn't understand what he had done...

_Find me here,_

_Speak to me,_

_I want to feel you,_

_I need to hear you..._

He managed to sneak onto a barge in dock, heading towards Mexico. Once there, he contacted Clem, rambling to him over the phone what had happened and begging him to come for him.

He did, within a few days, worry written on his face as he took in the state of the vampire.

"Oh Spike," he said with a quiet sigh. "What did you do?"

_You are the light_

_That's leading me_

_To the place where_

_I find peace again..._

Clem bundled him up, tucking him into the car he had brought, the motorcycle having been left in New York. The floppy-eared demon promised him to find it and bring it to Sunnydale. Spike huddled up into a ball in the backseat, rocking back and forth as he mumbled to himself.

Clem drove, slowly, knowing that he couldn't really help the vampire.

After all, what did he know about having a soul?

_You are the strength_

_That keeps me walking_

_You are the hope_

_That keeps me trusting.._

Spike's mind was racing.

He could see that little girl he had told Dawn about. Large, liquid brown eyes and russet curls, innocence written in her flesh, in her blood. She had struggled and then died, with Dru's and his own fangs buried in her flesh...

He howled as he remembered how she had shed tears...

So many tears, like his Bit had cried on the tower as Doc cut her...

_You are the life_

_To my soul_

_You are my purpose_

_You are everything..._

He saw the two Slayers he had killed, seen the acceptance in their eyes as they fought with him. Felt them die in his arms as he drank from their blood but then when he dropped them to the floor, he saw golden hair and tan skin...

He saw Buffy, lying there, with accusation written in her gorgeous eyes...

His Slayer...

_And how can I _

_stand here with you_

_And not be moved by you?_

He saw all the victims, the men and women and children he had killed over the years, the swath of blood he had cut across the world. He saw Angelus beating and dominating him, saw himself hurting Drusilla for her own pleasure...

Saw his Slayer die at his hand.

He could feel William cower in the corner of his mind, the demon quiet at the guilt and pain. William sobbed, tears spilling down his pink cheeks as he scratched at the blood on his hands and the demon whimpered in pain as the scratches appeared on its claws. The demon and the man both stared at each other, blue meeting gold, and then curled up side by side as they allowed the guilt to drown them.

"Mustn't be found," Spike mumbled startling Clem. "Dropped my board in a puddle. The chalk ran..."

_Would you tell me_

_How could it be_

_Any better than this?_

Clem rubbed his eyes wearily as he pulled into the graveyard. Gently, he carried his friend into the crypt, ignoring the soft whimpers the vampire emitted. Settling him down in the lower level, he clambered back up and closed the trap door, figure he would go and see the Slayer in the morning.

What he'd tell her, he didn't know but he knew she was the only Spike would react too. Hopefully, she wouldn't stake him on sight...

With that, Clem fell into a restless sleep.

_You calm the storms_

_You give me rest_

_You hold me in your hands_

_You won't let me fall..._

The next morning, the demon went to see Buffy. Disappointedly, she wasn't home so he loped across town towards the Magic Box. Entering the store through the back, he paused as he saw the group of humans sitting around the table, books open.

"Um, excuse me?" he said timidly.

_You still my heart_

_And you take my breath away..._

The Slayer was out of her seat before he could blink and he squeaked as Anya let out a cry of, "Buffy, wait!"

The Slayer paused and Clem opened one eye as he said, "Thanks Anya..." who smiled back in return. Clem coughed and said, "I'm a friend of Spike's..."

Buffy's eyes widened as she let him go and Clem straightened up, wiping his hands on his shirt. He scratched the back of his neck and said, "I just wanted to let you know about him."

"Is he home?" Buffy demanded and Clem winced slightly at her harsh tone.

_Would you take me in?_

_Would you take me deeper now?_

"Kind of," he said. "He's...well, he's pretty bad Slayer."

"Buffy," the blonde girl said. "Call me Buffy." She wrapped her arms around her middle and said quietly, "How bad is he?"

Clem hesitated but upon seeing the desperation in Buffy's eyes, he sighed. "Okay," he said quietly. "He's...kind of crazy right now."

_And how can I _

_stand here with you_

_And not be moved by you?_

At the look on her face, Clem said quickly, "Not Drusilla crazy but crazy crazy. But then again, I guess that's supposed to be expected right? What with him having a soul and all."

"What?" Buffy said in a tiny voice and Clem groaned, smacking his head. "Sorry!" he said hastily. "I didn't mean to tell you about that until I got you to the crypt." He shuffled his feet and added, "I thought you'd want to see him but..."

He looked up and blinked.

Buffy was gone.

_Would you tell me_

_How could it be_

_Any better than this?_

She ran; her legs pumping, arms at her sides as she flew through the city towards the crypt. She didn't feel the wind flying past her, the full power of her Slayer abilities pouring out of her in her worry.

She paused in front of the crypt, her hand pressed against the door. Swallowing the lump in her throat, she pushed it open and slipped inside. Looking around, she frowned and then spotted the trap door. Lifting it up, she peered down in the darkness and said, hesitantly, "Spike?"

"Got to hide," came the reply. "Killed the girl. Hurt the Bit. Evil, disgusting thing..."

She jumped down into the lower level and bit back a cry of alarm. A figure was huddled in the corner, wearing dirty clothing, knees up to his chest and arms wrapped tightly around himself as he rocked back and forth, whispering, "Hurt the Bit. Killed the girl. Hurt the Bit. Killed the girl..."

"Spike?" she whispered stepping forward gingerly.

'_Cause you're all I want_

_You are all I need_

_You are everything_

_Everything..._

His head shot up to meet her eyes and she felt her knees grow weak at the anguish written in his eyes. His hair was long and the bleach had grown out, the honey blonde color throwing her off for a moment. That wasn't the vampire she knew looking at her.

"Hurt the Bit," he said. "Killed the girl." He dropped his gaze and murmured, "Slayer of Slayers. Deserve to burn..."

"Oh, Spike," Buffy fought back tears.

_And how can I _

_stand here with you_

_And not be moved by you?_

Slowly, she moved herself over to him and touched his arm gently. His fist shot out, cracking against her jaw and Buffy winced in pain as Spike shrieked, "Killed the girl! Killed the girl! Hurt her, my precious girl..."

She worked her jaw slowly as she coughed. Gently, she touched Spike again, catching his fist and whispered, "Spike?"

He refused to look at her, eyes tightly shut, and she said softly, "William?"

Blue eyes shot up to meet hers and she fought back tears. "I'm right here," she whispered fiercely. "I'm not hurt. You haven't hurt me or Dawn."

_Would you tell me_

_How could it be_

_Any better than this?_

"Buffy?" he whispered as tears spilled down his cheeks. She swallowed and touched his face, following the curve of his face as he closed his eyes, nuzzling her palm as a purr rumbled from deep inside his chest. "Yeah?"

"The spark burns," he sobbed raggedly and she finally let the tears fall.

**End Part Five**


	6. Only One

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Six:** Only One

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Yellowcard.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Sixth chapter. Review please!

* * *

Buffy gently finished washing Spike's hair, smiling as she saw the now bleached locks. "All done!" she announced cheerfully as the vampire straightened, staring at her for a moment before nodding. Sighing, she gently touched his face, smiling as he purred.

"How about pizza?" she suggested as she led Spike out of the bathroom and into their room. "I can order now and some spicy buffalo wings too."

Spike nodded in agreement and Buffy smiled at him warmly.

He had been so broken when he first returned and Buffy hadn't known how she was going to help him. She had brought him back to her house and as soon as he'd seen Dawn, he had retreated into the nearest corner, whimpering that he'd hurt her.

_Broken this fragile thing now_

_And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces_

_And I've thrown my words all around_

_But I can't, I can't give you a reason_

To the alarm of the Scoobies, Dawn had approached him slowly and said his name. The vampire had screwed his eyes shut tighter as he rocked back and forth, Dawn's face crumbling at the pain he was in. She had begun to cry, soft sobs that echoed in the living room and Buffy had watched silently as the vampire stopped rocking to peer at her.

He had lifted his head and crawled over to Dawn, laying his head in her lap and purred softly causing the younger Summers to gasp in surprise as she dropped her hands. He'd purred louder and Dawn smiled, her eyes brimming with tears as she pressed a kiss to Spike's brow.

Buffy had known at that moment she had fallen more in love with the Cockney vampire.

_I feel so broken up broken up_

_And I give up give up_

_I just want to tell you so you know_

He still wouldn't talk, only murmur to himself and shout things at the air. Buffy had worried his mind was too broken but Tara had reassured her after casting a small aura spell that Spike was fine. He'd come back to them eventually...

It would just take time for him to heal.

Willow and Xander had been dubious of Spike's recovery. Anya had said that it was a normal reaction to having a soul after a century of murder and bloodshed.

Buffy went downstairs to order the pizza and paused as she took note of Willow peering out the window. "Wills?" she asked the visiting Wiccan. "What're you looking at?"

"Nothing!" the redhead spun around, a tight smile on her face. "Absolutely nothing."

_Here I go_

_Scream my lungs out_

_And try to get to you_

_You are my only_

_My only one_

Buffy narrowed her eyes but didn't press the issue. The past month had been tense between her and her best friends but Buffy didn't really care. She was sick of them judging her and putting her on a pedestal.

"I'm ordering pizza," she said with a resigned sigh. "You want?"

_I let go but there's_

_Just no one who_

_Gets me like you do_

_You are my only, my only one_

"Sure," Willow agreed and Buffy went into the kitchen. Picking up the phone, she dialed the pizza place from memory and sighed at the realization. 'I really need to start feeding Dawn healthier food,' she thought absently as she moved over to the fridge.

As she ordered the pizza, Buffy moved with practiced ease at, takingout a bag of blood, and pouring it into a mug. Placing it in the microwave, she hung up and took the mug out, calling, "Spike!"

_Made my mistakes_

_Let you down_

_And I can't, I can't _

_Hold on for too long_

Immediately, the vampire was in the kitchen, reaching for his dinner. She smiled, handing it to him and said, "I think we'll take patrol off tonight. Things have been so quiet lately."

He nodded and Buffy glanced up as the sounds of Anya and Xander's voices echoed from the living room. Dawn came stomping into the kitchen, her long hair flying behind her and Buffy frowned as Spike let out a concerned rumble.

"Dawnie?" Buffy asked as she eyed her sister, who was rummaging in the fridge. "What's wrong? And we're getting pizza."

_Ran my whole life in the ground_

_And I can't, I can't _

_Get up when you're gone_

"Go into the living room and you'll see," Dawn said darkly as she straightened. "Stupid, arrogant..." she added under her breath as she marched past the two blondes. Buffy frowned and looked at Spike, who shrugged. Following her sister, she paused at the figure sitting in her living room.

"Angel," she said surprised and the vampire turned to look at her with familiar brown eyes. He got to his feet and said, "Buffy..." his eyes flickering over to Spike, who was busy finishing off his mug with no care whatsoever.

"I heard I was needed," he said as he glared at Spike. Buffy moved slightly, angling her body to protect Spike's and ignored the narrowing of Angel's eyes.

"Oh?" she said dryly. "Let me guess. Spike's bugging me, harassing me, mooching off me?"

_And something's breaking up breaking up_

_I feel like giving up giving up_

_I won't walk until you know_

"Well, I-" Angel began but Buffy shook her head glaring at Xander and Willow.

"I cannot believe this," she said harshly. "What the hell possessed you two to call Angel? How exactly was that going to help me?"

"By taking Junior off your hands," Xander retorted. "We don't know anything about vampires that get souls Buffster. Angel can help."

"Souls?" Angel said then stared at Spike, mouth agape. "William?"

Spike growled angrily at the elder vampire and Buffy shook her head again.

_Here I go_

_Scream my lungs out_

_And try to get to you_

_You are my only_

_My only one_

"Don't call him that," she said irritably. "He hates being called William."

"How did he get cursed?" Angel demanded but Buffy smiled wanly at him.

"He didn't," she said. "He won it."

Angel stared at her for a moment in disbelief. "What?"

_I let go but there's_

_Just no one who_

_Gets me like you do_

_You are my only, my only one_

Buffy nodded. "Spike's _demon_," she said, stressing the word. "Went out and won a soul."

"Why?" Angel demanded as he stared at her then at Spike with confusion. Buffy shrugged and looked at Spike with a smile as she pressed a hand to his cheek. The Cockney vamp purred in response, nuzzling her palm affectionately.

Angel's eyes narrowed and he let out a growl, causing Spike to change into game face as he glared at his Sire. He snarled at Angel, who growled back, louder and Buffy cursed as Spike began to move forward. She grabbed his arm, saying, "Spike, no!"

The vampire stopped, growling loudly as Angel sneered at him.

_Here I go so dishonestly_

_Leave a note for you_

_My only one_

"Angel, stop antagonizing him!" Buffy snapped angrily as she maneuvered the Cockney vamp behind her. She glared at him and said, "I don't know what Xander and Willow told you but Spike isn't being a problem. He's fine."

"I doubt that," Angel said dryly as he glared at Spike over Buffy's shoulder. "Buffy, I need to talk to you alone."

"No," Buffy replied easily as she took Spike's hand and led him over to the couch. "You don't need to say anything. Angel, you left. You can't keep coming into _my _life and telling me what I should do! It doesn't work that way!"

_And I know you can see_

_Right through me_

_So let me go and_

_You will find someone_

"Damn it, Buffy!" Angel snapped. "You can't possibly think it's all right to have Spike _living_ here! He's a demon! He's need to be-"

"What? With his own kind?" Buffy asked as she spun to face him. "You know something? I am sick and tired of you pulling this crap. You want me to live my life but you don't want me to do it my way. You want me to be with someone normal but I _am not normal_. What's it going to take Angel?"

She wrapped her arms around herself. "You left me, Angel. You left me and I thought I'd never get over it. I thought that I'd die because you were gone." She smirked. "But I didn't and you kept coming back, turning the knife a little more and I hate you for that."

Buffy glanced over her shoulder at Spike, who blinked up at her with clear blue eyes. She smiled at him affectionately and the Cockney vamp let out a purr of contentment as he nuzzled her arm with his brow. Angel growled at the action and stepped foward, grabbing Buffy's arm.

_Here I go_

_Scream my lungs out_

_And try to get to you_

_You are my only_

_My only one_

Spike snarled and shot forward, shoving Angel backwards. He gathered Buffy's startled form in his arms, twisting his body so that Angel couldn't touch her. "Mine!" he roared and Angel got to his feet with glare, his eyes flashing amber dangerously.

"Step down, Childe!" he growled and Spike refused with another snarl. Buffy watched the two vampires for a second before saying quietly, "Leave Angel. You're not welcome here."

"Buffy," Angel said hurt but the Slayer shook her head. "Out. Willow, Xander, you can go with him."

"Buffy-" her two friends began but she glared at them.

"Get out."

As they left, she sighed and looked up at the frantic vampire. She smiled and touched his cheek gently, turning so he would look into her eyes.

Blue meet hazel.

"Yours," she agreed softly.

**End Part Six**


	7. Unchained Melody

**Truths of the Heart Series, Part Seven:** Unchained Melody

**Author:** Batdz Angel (0/)

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of its characters. They are the property of Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy. This is just a way to honor them. And the song belongs to Yellowcard.

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** Spuffy. Mentions of Tara/Willow and Anya/Xander.

**Summary:** Sometimes, you don't know what you need until your heart tells you. A songfic series for the lovely couple of Spuffy.

**Season:** Alternate Season Five ending/Season Six.

**Author's Note:** Sixth chapter. Review please!

* * *

Buffy smiled in thanks as Spike handed a diet Coke to her. Taking a sip, she said, "Are you doing okay?"

The Cockney vamp smiled warmly at her and said, "M'fine love. S'time I was out and about anyway. Can't be scared about people, can I?"

She nodded as she studied him from the corner of her eye. Since he'd recovered his speech a week ago and his ability to be around crowds, Spike had been happier. She fingered the chain around her finger that held Spike's skull ring. He had immediately reacted at the sight of the jewelry, his blue eyes widening in recognition before he said her name. It had started a speedy recovery and now he sat with her in the Bronze, listening to a variety of performers.

Dawn was dancing with Tara, waving happily at the two blondes. Spike grinned back at her as Buffy waved, and the youngest Summers squealed happily as she spun around, long brown hair flying behind her.

"So," Spike said casually. "Talked to Peaches?"

"No," Buffy said. "I haven't."

"What about Red and the Boy?"

"No," she repeated. "It's done with Spike. Until they can all learn to accept that I don't need them to make choices for me, I don't have anything to say."

He nodded and sipped his beer as a familiar young woman took the stage. She waved and said, "Hello again Sunnydale! I was here about six months ago but I'll introduce myself again. The name's Gwen and I'm just up here to sing a few songs for you all!"

Cheers erupted and Dawn came back to the table, Tara trailing behind. She sat down with a cheerful expression and said, "I like how she sings..." as Spike and Buffy both glanced at each other before looking away. Spike fidgeted with his drink while Buffy stared up at the ceiling.

The Slayer chewed on her lip as Gwen said, "So, come on ladies and men. Grab your honey or the one you want to be your honey, and dance."

Taking a deep breath, Buffy turned and said, "Spike?"

"Yeah?" He turned to look at her with brilliant blue eyes. Buffy felt her insides melt at the beauty of those eyes and she blinked as she realized she had been staring. She swallowed and said, "Would you like to dance? With me?" not noticing Xander and Willow coming up behind them.

Spike's eyes warmed. "I'd love to Slayer," he said before holding out his hand. Buffy's face lit up happily and she slid her hand into his before leading him out onto the dance floor. She turned to face him and blinked as he bowed slightly, grinning up at her. Shaking her head, she said, "Spike..."

"A gentlemen," he said. "Always bows to a lady."

Taking her hand, he pulled her close as Gwen began to sing...

"_Oh my love, my darling_

_I've hungered for your touch..."_

Buffy slid her fingers into Spike's hair, closing her eyes as she placed her head onto his chest. Spike tightened his arms around the Slayer as they swayed to the music, both of them content with their position. His hands stroked the Slayer's back lazily in soothing waves as they moved.

Buffy thought about how, six months ago, she had been so scared to let this man into her heart. But now, she didn't want him to ever, ever leave.

Spike thought about his battle for sanity and how it had all been broke by a mere object. A mere silver ring that had been given under a spell and kept by a young girl...

"Why did you keep it?" he asked her suddenly, startling her. "The ring."

Buffy blinked for a few seconds before answering.

"It was the only engagement ring I'd ever gotten."

"_A long lonely time _

_And time goes by so slowly ..."_

"And even though," she added softly. "It was a spell I couldn't throw it away. I still wanted to keep it as a reminder."

"For what?" Spike teased. "To not let Red do anything magical?"

Buffy laughed. "No," she said swatting his chest. "To remember that even though the spell said for us to get married, it didn't say we had to be in love." She lowered her eyes. "I wanted to think that maybe you felt that way then but..."

"I did," he admitted. "Deep down, I suspect. Wasn't ready to admit it though. Not till later when I could get through all of my issues."

"Well," she smiled up at him, hazel eyes warm. "I'm glad you did." She leaned up and brushed her mouth against his lightly before resuming her position. Spike smiled and propped his chin on her head as they danced.

"_And time can do so much _

_Are you still mine?"_

As they danced, he let his mind wander. Back in time to when he had first met Drusilla. When he had been turned.

He had his wish. He had his love.

His effulgent, glowing girl.

He wondered if Dru had known. If she had been able to see.

He suspected she had.

"_I need your love _

_I need your love _

_God speed your love to me _

Buffy inhaled Spike's scent as she closed her eyes. Smoke and leather, two scents she had never considered comforting but now...

They had been sleeping in the same room since he'd come home. It wasn't about a vampire and a slayer anymore; it was simply a man and a woman getting to know each other better.

Before that next step was taken.

She remembered sitting with Tara and discussing her relationship with Spike. She remembered confessing how Angelus' betrayal had hurt her and how Spike's devotion had scared her.

She opened her eyes and looked up at him, studying him.

"_Lonely rivers flow _

_to the sea to the sea _

_To the open arms of the sea..."_

"What?" Spike said uncomfortably.

Buffy smiled, a bright, shining smile that took his breath away.

"I love you," she whispered.

"_Lonely rivers sigh _

_Wait for me _

_Wait for me ..."_

He stared at her for a moment before saying, "What?"

"I love you," she repeated tracing his face with her fingers. She went traced those gorgeous cheekbones, the full mouth, and said, "I love you Spike. William." She smiled. "And I want to spend the rest of my life with you."

"Buffy," he managed stunned.

"_I'll be coming home _

_Wait for me ..."_

"Although," she added with an impish twinkle in her eye. "I do expect a better ring than this skull ring. Something classy, with diamonds."

He gaped at her before letting out a laugh. "Diamonds," he promised. "And whatever your heart desires kitten."

"_Oh my love, my darling _

_I've hungered for your touch..."_

She grinned and leaned her head against his chest again as she closed her eyes. Spike closed his own as happiness welled inside of him and thought that he was the luckiest vampire ever made...

As the song began to wind down, the pair looked back up at each other, blue meeting hazel. Spike bent his head and kissed Buffy, his tongue sweeping into hers with ease. She sighed against him, her hands tightening in his hair as she let herself open up...

_You have much love to give_, the First Slayer's words echoed in her head. _Death is your Gift_.

_Yes,_ she thought, _it brought me Spike_.

"_A long lonely time _

_And time goes by so slowly..."_

Meanwhile, Dawn watched her sister and Spike dance, tears brimming in her blue eyes. She smiled to herself as she thought about the eventual wedding, how Buffy would radiant in white, and closed her eyes.

_She's happy now Mom,_ the Key thought. _I hope you know that wherever you are._

"_And time can do so much _

_Are you still mine?"_

Tara gasped at the beauty of their souls, how the colors entwined with one another. Smiling, she leaned back and let the glow of true love wash over her.

She knew then that nothing would tear them apart.

"_I need your love _

_I need your love _

_God speed your love to me..."_

As the song ended, the two pulled away and Spike murmured, "Let's go home love."

"Wherever you are is home," Buffy replied as she kissed him again. "You're my heart."

"And you're my soul," he returned with a kiss to her nose.

And I could say that they lived Happily Ever After. But there were fights of course, and battles. Apocalypses abound. Moments of unhappiness, of discontent. They worked through them, despite the odds. Despite Angel becoming human and his expectation Buffy would leave Spike to be with him. Despite Willow's fall into black magic and trying to tear them apart by erasing Spike's memories of the Slayer. But those are tales for another time.

I _can _tell you that the wedding occurred. And Buffy was indeed radiant in white and Dawn was the maid of honor and Tara the best woman. And they lived together until Buffy's body finally gave out on her. Spike, lost without his Slayer, lived for only two more decades before sitting on her grave and allowing the sun to scatter his ashes.

And in heaven, their souls were reunited, despite their hearts having never been apart. After all, true love never really dies, does it?

**End**


End file.
